Freedom in Blogging

I counted today and I have photographed 91 weddings to date, 8 of which I second shot for a friend leaving 83 weddings I have been first hand responsible for photographing.  Of those 91 weddings, I have been sure to write a blog post for at least 80 of them.  When I got into photography I knew blogging was something I wanted to do to showcase recent work and as an opportunity to write.  Some of my favorite photographers were awesome bloggers and that's how I got to really know them and their work.  But somewhere along the way I have gotten so overwhelmed with blogging.  I think it really started this past November and December when I had seven weddings I photographed during the holiday season, 3 of which were back to back.  On average I have about 3000 photos to go through per wedding (I know that is a tad ridiculous- I'm working on that:) so that meant over that two month period I was working with 21,000 images.  I have amazing help editing my photos from my talented friend Latetia (definitely check her out if you are looking for small business administrative help or outsourcing your editing) but I couldn't even narrow down the photos quick enough to get them to her during that busy season.  So needless to say blogging fell by the wayside and my once nearly perfect record of blogging every wedding is now about 4 weddings and a million portrait and engagement sessions behind.  And for some reason I just can't seem to catch up.  Like most photographers I like to write a year end post sharing some of my favorite photos from the year, and I have literally spent hours going through my hard drives attempting to collect my favorite images.  I have a folder on my computer with these images, but realized that I still have a few more months of images to go through and I just might not make it.  All of this might be somewhat doable if my time and heart wasn't as divided as it between my job and my family but in God's wisdom and my choosing I am married with two small children.  Herein lies the conflict.  I need to be present with my kids.  I need to help my son who is in kindergarten learn to read and practice writing and counting and finish his homework.  My kids have needs that no one else can fill at this point, or at least not the way I would like them to be parented.  And that is really really important to me.  So in the midst of all this I find less and less time to write extensive blog posts and am overwhelmed by the thought of trying to keep up with it all.  Just being honest.

While on a plane trip home from California yesterday I felt a clear message as I laid my head down on my husband after searching through hard drives for 3 hours.  I really felt God was freeing me from the bear of blogging all the weddings I photograph and work I do.  The message was clear- do what you can, and right now that might be just one photo.  I know I probably sound a little crazy because I don't have a boss that is docking my pay based on whether or not I've blogged a wedding but somewhere along the way I structured my business in a way that wasn't freeing to me.  The benefit of being self-employed is that you create the job you want, you come up with what you will and won't do, and you decide what works and doesn't.  But I haven't done the heart searching work of making my job fit my life until recently, and it took my exhaustion to make me realize I just can't spend lots of hours trying to find the best photos to tell the story of someone's wedding day for each wedding I shoot.  I could spend forever debating whether or not to include this picture or that, or whether someone might be upset if I didn't include this shot.  I am a people pleaser to the core but am learning how that really controls me in some negative ways that God is freeing me from.  So what hit me on the plane (and SET ME FREE) was that I could post one picture a day.  I could post my recent work in this way without feeling overwhelmed at the thought of it.  I also realized that I'd love to write more about what I'm learning, both in photography and life, but I've felt like I can't write personal stuff until I get everyone else's blog posts written.  But then I realized this is my blog and I can choose to use it however I'd like.  That sounds kinda diva-ish but all I mean is that I need to make choices with my business that help me thrive so I don't burn out and become useless to everyone.  In short I am becoming free.  My husband and I tell each other constantly, "be free."  Live free.  Make free choices apart from compulsion.  I'm not there yet but I am becoming free.  I am becoming free as a mom, wife, friend, and a photographer.  And my decision to blog less photos is me becoming free.  I do love telling people's stories through pictures but along the way I forgot to tell my own story and live my own life.  So blogging has to become a free act where I post a picture or two of my recent favorites, and really a place for me to freely share when and if I can.  Some photographers don't blog at all because of how overwhelming it can become, while others are amazing at keeping up with it.  It just took me awhile to figure out where I landed in the spectrum, and my stage of life really shapes what I can and can't do.  So here's to a blog that fits my life right now and reflects the freedom I'm growing in.  Thanks for reading:)

Black and White Film Project

One of the reasons film has been good for me to experiment with is the delayed gratification element.  I click the shutter and out of reflex look at the screen that doesn't exist and realize I have to wait to see how the image turns out.  So you give up the instant gratification, but you gain the counting down the days to Christmas anticipation.  My friend Steven developed these black and white rolls for me and when I went to open the scans in the Dropbox link, it was like opening a present.  I didn't know if any of them would turn out because I had little confidence in my ability to correctly meter, so I was SUPER pumped when I saw I didn't mess them all up!  I think that is another big lesson I am gaining from film- to put more confidence in my ability to frame and shoot and tone down the impulse to shoot a million frames, checking my screen each time.  So it is teaching me to slow down, trust what I know about exposure, and take 1 or 2 shots in a given setting.  Here are some of the pictures I liked:)

I took pictures of Ethan (above) and Andy and Jared (below).  Children are definitely harder to photograph with film using manual focus and a wide aperture because they move so quickly and don't hold still long enough to really master the focus, at least for where I'm at in the learning process.  But there is still something a little magical even about a slightly out of focus image that is beautiful.  It began to rain one afternoon (actually every afternoon this summer) and we love to watch the rain on the front porch.  The image below is perfect of Jared because afternoon rain is one of his most favorite things on earth.  

Our friend and babysitter, Callie, was over at our house and I knew she was one of those people I would love to photograph.  So she was up for standing in the best light in our house- our bathroom- and smiling for me.  Thanks Callie- you're always beautiful!

This is such a random collection of images but there were a few weeks where I would carry my camera around and find times to use it.  The picture below is from a wedding I second shot with one of my best friends, Carrie Jo.  I would love to experiment with film and weddings more but have definitely been hesitant to take the time to get my 35mm camera out and shoot on busy wedding days.  

My next rolls of film will be from my uber cheap Pinhole Camera (crossing my fingers that any of them turned out).  And then on to color Portra film with my dad's Canon 35mm and 85mm lens. So here is the best part about my experiment with film- I DIDN"T EVEN NEED TO EDIT THEM!!! ahhhhhhh!!!! For all the hours I've spent in Lightroom going through a billion RAW images, having my film developed and scanned was so refreshing.  I opened them up and had them printed.  That alone felt like a treat.  More to come! 

Lessons from Film

“When I shoot with digital, I look for a flaw in the frame. When I shoot with film, I embrace the mistake...”

— Singer-Songwriter Seal

I need to preface this post with a few points:

1. I LOVE digital photography and think there are some incredible benefits to shooting digital instead of film

2. I think both digital and film images can be beautiful.

3. I don't buy into what I call "inner circle mentality" that uses less popular artistic mediums to create a sense of superiority (i.e. "oh everyone is a photographer- I shoot film so I must be better than the masses").   

That being said, HUGE photography lessons can be learned through using film.  I have been going through a book by Photographer Chris Orwig called People Pictures ; it's a book filled with photo projects to challenge and grow any photographer.  My most recent project required the use of film (specifically 3 days of portraits with black and white film).  I have loved doing these projects because of how it is forcing me outside my comfort zone in photography.  My awesome second shooter friend Steven Wallace is a film-guru so he was able to give me some help with the film process and is now developing my black and white rolls for me.  I'll post some of those soon!

I have always loved my instant cameras (Fuji Instax, Polaroid 300, and the old Polaroid One Step camera), so I decided it was time to invest in some film through The Impossible Project.  If you aren't familiar with the Impossible Project, you should definitely check them out.  I say I had to invest in some film because the Polaroid 600 film is about $3-4 per image (so 8 images cost me about $28, although I found it cheaper on Amazon for $24).  YIKES! You could buy a 16GB memory card for a little more than the price of 16 Polaroid images.  But I knew that only having 8 shots would force me to think, be more intentional, and engage with subject and shot than I ever had before.  So for $4 a shot, I took some photos and made some mistakes.

I took my 8 Polaroid pictures while visiting one of my closest friends, Carrie Jo in Knoxville.  We shot a wedding together (hence the nose and glasses photos above!) and got to catch up on life/sit around on her couch with pizza and pajamas watching old movies.  We were out on her back porch and the light was just breaking through the clouds in the midst of a rainy day, so I grabbed my Polaroid camera.  She was drinking her signature french vanilla tea and I had my coffee, so it just seemed perfect to get a picture of her at that moment.  Above is the picture I got (made black and white).  I found out a few things from this shot: a.) You need to stand more than 2 feet away from your subject b.) it's good to read a manual if possible to find out if the flash can be turned off.  So it isn't the best picture ever, but to me it represents a lesson to be learned in imperfect photography.  It's figuring out a moment that is significant to you and capturing it.  So if I walked away from my time with Carrie Jo with just this picture of her I would be happy because it represents so much.  It reminds me of the comfort of our friendship, the ability to be totally ourselves in sweatpants and all, the joy of just being with someone who understands you, and how our journey as photographers is more about understanding what really matters and less about trying to be perfect.

This picture was taken with my Fuji Instax Wide frame camera at the farmer's market in Athens.  I love the colors and people at the farmer's market and it turns out open shade is the perfect lighting for my instant cameras. 

These photos were taken with the Polaroid 300 camera.  I love Athens and thought it would be a fun personal project to take images of favorite local places.  I learned that I didn't have as much control over the exposure as I wanted and this camera does not let you turn off the flash.  But it was a great experience for me to take time, compose my shot, and press a button knowing I wasn't going to take another shot of the same thing. 

I can't wait to get back the black and white Tri-X film from Steven to see how my father-in-law's 35mm Nikon camera held up.  His camera had a great 50mm 1.4 fixed lens, and I was forced to manually focus each shot.  Film causes me to slow down and take my time instead of shooting a million frames hoping one turns out.  I love the idea of taking lessons from film and applying them to digital photography, i.e. slowing down, composing my shot, trying different exposures, and not being addicted to seeing immediate results.  I also love the idea of embracing imperfections- and that is in all of life.  I talked with Carrie Jo about the idea of getting 8 shots per trip I go on.  So 8 total frames to capture it, making me choose what I want to remember most.  When I look at how many external hard drives I have, I get so excited at the idea of having 8 instant film pictures to frame or put in a book.  So what if 5 of them are a little too dark or too bright? That is so my life so it's only fitting that my photos reflect that.  I want to embrace what I get with what I got, and let go of perfection and the idea that more is always best.  Film is teaching me a lot so far.  On a random note- I just found out how to do double exposures on Polaroid film through this Youtube video- that is my next experiment!